The Decade from my Second Level of Hell

I was going to write a 2009 wrap-up of my cycling exploits (or lack thereof). But I decided that after taking a reliable test I randomly found on the Internet that has determined my eternal fate, I am going to fill the cyber world with a multi-part diatribe of the last decade.

2000: Nothing starts a new decade like having a rummage sale. If I was a better shopper and did my research in the 1990's, I would not have bought half of the stuff I thought I needed. But this was a rummage sale that needed to occur whether I liked it or not. It really sucked to see the old crap go to another buyer (or multiple buyers based on who you talked to). So when a hired antiques appraiser tells you that what was in your possession was garbage all along, you do not feel bad that it is in someone else's garage. I still laugh today that I got the better part of the deal. I will be laughing harder in 2010.

2001: At sometime in all of our lives, you hit a patch of ice. But I was speeding on bald tires when I hit that ice. No. Not, never again.

2002-2004: Professional acceleration. Going very fast and not giving a shit about the speedometer. Get out of my way or road pizza. Even a motor with two wheels is procured for the need for speed. Kick. Ass.

2005: Ummm...was someone going to tell me about the gas gage? No problem. I will start walking to the nearest gas station and someone will pick me up along the way. HEY!!! Where is everybody?

2006: On that long walk to the gas station, finally a ride---in a LIMO! Treated like a rock star, with a free lunch. Hitting the gas pedal but always looking at the gas gage. And a GPS for the nearest gas station...

2007: Remodeling/Reconstruction is in order. The exterior is beyond repair, so the effort is concentrated on the interior. It is amazing what some gas, a knife, a saw and 4,5a-Epoxy-3-methoxy-17-methylmorphinan-6-one can do for oneself. But when the doc threatens (3R,5R)-7-[2-(4-fluorophenyl)-
3-phenyl-4-(phenylcarbamoyl)-5-(propan-2-yl)- 1H-pyrrol-1-yl]-3,5-dihydroxyheptanoic acid, it is time to remove the daily ingestion of 3-[(2S)-1-methylpyrrolidin-2-yl]pyridine.

2008: Sorry to steal this, Lance. But it is all about the bike.

2009: Loss. On too many fronts. My Nona left after a wonderful 97. Paul after 83. Pat after 44 hurt the most--on a bike. From loss comes enlightenment on how life should be lived. As my buddy Doug says: "Don't eat the stem of the mushroom and see a few colors, eat the WHOLE bag and see GOD!". Since Mother would have something to say if I ingested psilocybin, I will just say that 2009 sucked.


The Future: My antiques appraiser says that schadenfreude will provide early returns sometime in 2010. Remember, I'm going to Hell anyways....

AND it's all about the bike.

Happy Holidays.

9 and Done

I am done...well done.

Nine straight weeks of racin' in 2009 for a total of 17. I did not even particiapate in 9 races on 2008.

Conclusion: I am fat or old or both. I think just fat. I refuse to think at 45, I cannot be a better athlete than I was at 25. It just takes more work and it starts after Thanksgiving.

So I will be watching the Wisconsin State Championships, not racing. CW Buff and I are going to play superfan to the real racers and drink beer.

2009 year-end summary comming soon...

More Beechwood S&M + Halloween CX = Burnout

I am wasted, smoked, toasted, and burned.

Last weekend was suppose to be nothing but rest from the previous 5 weeks of bike racing, but Mitch had a great idea: Let's all go to the Beech for 60 minutes of hell, otherwise known as the FIRST Beechwood Recoil CX. It probably did not help that Joe gave me a beer when I first arrived, beer number two before the race started, then beer number three at lap three. No matter, but still five hard CX laps at the Beech is no easy undertaking. Ouch. Six straight weeks of racing.

Today: Washington CX. Excellent start. Top three into the turn and up the first climb. But something is wrong, I am not feeling it in the legs/lungs and ten places are lost. It may be burnout since I have been riding since March or it is something else. Seven straight weekends of racing.

Estabrook next Sunday. Eight straight weeks of racing. It has to be top half or I am shutting down 2009.

There is no point paying for mediocre. There is work that needs to be done for 2010 because my USAC license is going to be auto-upgraded if I want to race. Shit.

Beechwood Epiphany and Death of a F6

I hate Beechwood. The Curtes clan are the most twisted, sick, sadistic individuals on two wheels. I do not like you guys because you make it look so easy, which makes me feel more like shit. I am finished--physically and emotionally.

So, my single-track racing career has come to a close and I do not feel bad about it. Two laps at the Beech was the nail in the coffin to 3 years of mediocre, single-track race results. Never DFL, but never to my standards.

Beechwood also was the last race for the 2006 C-Dale. Way too many problems in 2009 for my liking and patience. Winter months will consist of research for building the 29er for the only race that matters in 2010. I may even take a bigger leap in 2010 with one gear--I think it may be time to get back to the basics.

Do I hate the Beechwood Blaster? No, not, never, ever. Mike and Jay are some of the friendliest people I have met and they know how to throw one hell of a party. Great race, great food, great home brews, great conversation, and most of all, just a great vibe. I just feel privileged that these guys ask me to race, even though I suck bad. Thanks guys for the invite--I will pay double the entry fee in 2010 if you let me come back.

Now, just rest. Five straight weekends of racing has taken its toll. One week off, then 4 weeks more of CycloCX, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Cheq entry, CX Skiing, building the 29, and severe weight loss.

Then it starts all over again in 2010...

A Feeling of Nothingness

I have had a tough time personally since my race, but it took an old friend like George to bring me back home. I have may have watched you puke 27 times up and down Olson House in 1983, but you still inspire me. Thanks bud-you have always been my hero, even though you will never understand this.

So, it has been 12 days since that race and I still feel nothing. It was not a total failure, but it was not my most stellar athletic moment.

I did not: Get the best starting spot. Position myself properly during the rollout. Refuel properly during the race. Pace myself properly. Relieve myself properly before the race. Or during the race. This is embarrassing...

I did: Slaughter people on hills. No climbs hills like me. Fuck everybody else.. you all suck on hills. I rule-everybody else sucks. Even if I finished 798/1766.

In the end, a top 45%. Not bad for a first attempt, but not to my standards.

So, this was my first and last 40. I have made a decision to go back to the Short and Fat 16 for 2010. I do not have the training time nor the mental energy to do more than 17 miles for a race. Ask the Szy... I could run the 5k in 17min, but I could never train over 7 miles. Go figure.

CX season started on the 26th. I sucked, but I had a blast. 56th of 92nd--without ANY effort.

If only I would give 5% more...............................

Rage.

After 44 years and 361 days, I have figured out what drives me as an athlete. It is now the first thing that you are greeted to when you see my blog.

Is this a good thing? Yes. If you do not agree, would you prefer that I take my aggressions out on something else besides my own body?

I have no idea where my mind will travel to on 9-19-09. Mile 1 will be self-doubt. Mile 2 will be more self doubt. Mile 3 will turn to suicidal thoughts. Mile 4 will turn to homicidal thoughts. Mile 10 will turn to heavenly thoughts. Mile 20 will turn to delirious thoughts. By Seeley Tower, thoughts will turn to nothing but rage. After that, fuck everybody and everything.

Here I come Gary.

Crash #3 a/k/a How Not to Bunny Hop at 25mph

Jonathan Vaughters once said about crashing:
“Tell you what. Next time you’re in your car, get up to 50 mph, strip down to your underwear, then jump out the door."

I was not going 50mph, but only 25. I did a 360. End over end, not side to side. And still clipped in. And I hit traffic bond.

Moral of the story: I cannot bunny hop a curb at 25mph.

This is really going to hurt in the A.M. so I am in the process of killing it with beer.

Going the Distance

Forty it is.

Call it suicide, stupidity or insanity (or all three), but I need to do this. This is my 'marathon' and it needs to be conquered.

If I make Cty OO in 1hr, game on. Otherwise, I am just going to enjoy the ride and dedicate my 2010 training back to the 15 miler.

Awfulness and Indecision

I may be on the verge of burn-out, because on the second climb of the day I just cracked. I am not sure what the problem is but I am guessing it was because of the 45 mile, 3200ft ascent on Friday. Or the 12 beers since Thursday...

I have 14 days to make a decision about Chequamegon:40 miles or only 15. In my opinion, I still have unfinished business in the 15 miler because I placed 88 without being pushed (or pulled) and the fear that my rear tire was flatting out. But I have an opportunity to do my 'marathon' and I should be taking advantage of this. I am not sure that I have fitness level to participate at a level that I find acceptable and I am not going to make it a leisurely ride through the forest.

Tires, tires and more TIRES!

I am going to drive myself into bankrupcy or the nut house trying to find the right MTB tire. I believe that I have found it, but it took me six sets of other tires to find one that works the best for me.

These things are fast--Chequamegon 2:30 fast...maybe.

Goodbye Don, I cannot do this any longer...

Sorry, Mr. WORS, I no longer want to race in your series.

Do not get me wrong, there is a reason that this is the largest off-road series in the nation, but I do not have the time to become a better single-track racer, nor the desire.

My focus is now on Chequamegon and the WCA Cyclocross season, with some thought on 2010.I have made the decision to make the $250.00 plunge and attempting the 100 lottery.

I am insane.

Confirmation, Affirmation, Validation....

F*ck it...I'm IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ouch.

At 7:10am, I decide that I am going to run the 5k for work. I did not even put in one mile of training for this race. 356 out of 1515.

At 11:34, Mr. WORS said GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I sat in the back on the start and then passed 15 guys up the side of Sunburst. Unfortunately, I think I passed all the 40-44 group! Then massive calf cramps on lap #2, had to stop to work them out. Consitent lap times but not a good result: 16 of 26 in my age catagory.

I felt good, but not a good result. It is becoming very apparent that WORS is not for me, and that I should be concentrating on Chequamegon and the WCA Cyclocross season. I can crush those mother f*ckers in my class at Chequamegon--I have done this twice before, and I will do it a third time on Sept 19th.

As I have said before, Chequamegon is why I race.

Oh Sh*t...

I have gotten faster on the bike this year, but I may have neglected the hills--maybe. My pre-ride sucked, big time.

We will find out tomorrow.

All I Want for Christmas...is to have Cyclocross season start NOW!

I hate single-track racing, because I really SUCK at it. WORS is nothing but a bunch of grown-ups who want to race BMX style. I will have a good race this coming Sunday, but I will end up mid-pack because I blow chunks in single-track declines and flats. But all of them cannot climb a hill better than me--just check the Chequamegon results--I own you WORS MFs on that course. SO.....

I am done with WORS after 2009 and I am going to dedicate my cycling to cyclocross. I just did not wish the season started in October! Please Santa, please bring me a cyclocross season in May through November

A Gift From the Honorable Gary Crandall...

For me, it is the only race that matters.

I was crushed when I did not get in through the lottery in March. I got even more pissed off when I told that someone who never participated in this race got a reserved entry (whether or not this is true is open to debate).

But I bounced back from my anger and did something I have never done, nor I thought I was capable of doing. I guess I am pretty good at humorous, creative writing--thanks for your influence P.J.

So, I now have somewhere to be on September 19th, 2009

Chequamegon Fat Tire Festival. This is why I bike.

WEMS Death Ride

I might have a death wish...

I have never rode a 3 hour race and I have never raced in the mud, but I did.

I completed 2 laps and could have completed one more, but it was BRUTAL for being ill-prepared and having the wrong tires. I was just wasted after two laps just to hang on and carry the extra 20 lbs. of mud. Bitch, bitch , bitch...but I am going to do this again in three weeks. WEMS is alot of fun.

Yes, I DO have a death wish...

More Pain...

$220 minimum, but the HeadShok was due for an overhaul. I just should have not been the one to attempt this.

Since it is on the way to the manufacture, there is no Iola in 2009. Damm...

25 Miles of KM Pain

Ouch.

I was not ready for this and I am paying for it. It is become more clear everyday that at my age and my physical/mental capabilities, I should never do more that 20 miles of mountain biking.

This is no different than my running days. I never had the capabilities of ever racing anything over 5k.

My Last Cannondale...

I love my new Cyclocross 5, but it may be the last new C-Dale I ever buy. The news a few weeks ago just crushed me.

I am not a 'Made in the USA' person, but no one can convince me that a machine or a person in the Pacific Rim can weld better than someone in New England.

Holy Hill or Holy Hell

I have the best training ground in my backyard--Holy Hill. My 45 mile romp through the area was topped off with an ascent of St. Augustine. I had no business traveling through these hills on a Saturday in April, but I had to find out what kind of shape I am in this early in the season.

It is looking good...really good.

Bike #5

It is coming on the 15th...

F**K Chequamegon.

You know what has happened...I have almost been getting physically sick knowing that I can't race in my 'other' back yard this year.

Shit.

FINALLY! The exposure I have been looking for...

It ain't pretty, but at about 2:05...